I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
