Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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