Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
