Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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