How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
