It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
