words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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