3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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