Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
