i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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