I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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