im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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