I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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