Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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