I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
