Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
