put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
