She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
