i permit you to call me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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