is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
