I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
