I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
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I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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