apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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