Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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