I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
