Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
