I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
