Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
