woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
