When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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