look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
