It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
