Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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