A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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