oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
