i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
