Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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