I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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