So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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