Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
