Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
