I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
