Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Ontario

I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?

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(613): View more from Ontario

I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.

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(917): View more from New York City

The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".

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(206): View more from Washington

It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward

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(816): View more from Missouri

Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.

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