I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
