Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
