I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
