Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
