someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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