it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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