Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
