So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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