I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
