There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
