she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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