had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
