if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you never un-have a 4some
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize