woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
NoShamevember. You game?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
