Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
