Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
