none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
