my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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