shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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