I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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