An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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