he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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