I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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