I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
