I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize